Sunday, May 27, 2007

Most likely to succeed?

Over the past month, I have had a lot of time to think about the state of my life and to reflect on my many years of school. In the wake of congratulations about my position at camp (program director) and my completion of my degrees, I have been considering what it means to succeed. When I graduated, I was voted by my peers as the "male most likely to succeed", even though another person was on the verge of being drafted into the NHL (he has played some NHL games, but is still in the AHL), and there were others who could be far more successful than I ever could be. It was an honour with a lot of weight, and I have been thinking about what it means to succeed, and whether I have done so. And I feel that I have, but with an asterisk beside my name in the record book, like I really have not in some ways succeeded. I have done well, often despite fairly severe circumstances, but I have failed in so many ways. Maybe this is also a part of the oncoming quarter-life crisis as well, but I cannot help but think that I, by my own efforts, have been a complete and utter failure, and that anything good that has happened is because of Christ working in me. It is very interesting being at this crossroads, with twenty years of school behind me and forty years (and of work, education, ministry, marriage (soon, with hope!), raising children, friendships, and life ahead of me, without any direct next step. I have a lot of places I would like to go, and somewhere I am, but not a very good idea of those places in between. And to be honest, I do not know if I will end up living up to that title of "most likely to succeed", at least in the eyes of the world: I may not be rich or famous or hold a powerful position or be published or do any of those things that make someone a "success"; but I know that as long as I keep following God that He will ensure my success, and that others will see that. My hope is that others see my success for what it is: Christ working through me. That fact, and that fact alone, is what will make me "most likely to succeed."

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