Monday, September 27, 2004

Another day, another mistake...or fifty

Thought of the Day: I hope these are all new mistakes.
Song of the Day: Demon Hunter, "I Have Seen Where It Grows"

Life is a path
Death a destination
I've met the end of being
My eyes are open wide
I feel myself depleting
And watch my body die

These lyrics (from the song of the day) may seem dark and nihilistic to the untrained observer, but they are in fact the opposite. They may appear to reflect a desperate wish for suicide, and they do in a sense do just that. But rather than the hopeless kind of lyrics that point to physical death as the salvation of self, this song points to death of self as the only way to grow. In this sense, Christ has opened our eyes to the need for the death of self to fully embrace Him and allow the "it" of the title - our relationship with Him and His life in us -- to grow. Deep stuff.

I have been thinking about making mistakes, and how many I make every day. Every day. Mistakes that hurt me, my friends, and God. Every day. I have recently been made aware of some of those mistakes, despite my best thoughts that everything is going perfectly well. People often comment on how I am so humble and able to admit my mistakes. Well, the fact is that I think I probably make more mistakes than most people, and I probably do not even begin to realize the extent to which they affect those around me. And I often take it for granted that I daily need the redemptive power of Jesus' blood to wash over me and make me clean of all the sins I daily commit.
Am I ever going to stop making mistakes? No. Will I hopefully not repeat the mistakes that I have already made. Probably not. My only hope is that when I get to the Great White Throne that it is not me that God will see, but Jesus in me. And that Jesus in me is doing far more good on this earth than the Derek in me is doing wrong. Such is the process of life. I am beginning to understand why Catholics believe purgatory is necessary. I will need a good purging of things me to enter the presence of the most holy. But eventually, it will all come down to those key words I cannot wait to hear, because they will signal the end of this fleshly existence and herald a new life: "Well done, good and faithful servant."

P.S. Trouble, I miss you so much. Less than 21 months to go. Yee haw.

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